Thoughts of Obama from Bama

Week Twenty - One: Uncle Sammy’s Tropical Paradise Tours

Ground she's movin' under me, Tidal waves out on the sea

Sulphur smoke up in the sky, Pretty soon we learn to fly

Let me hear ya now, I don't know, I don't know

I don't know where I'm a gonna go, When the volcano blow

Volcano, Jimmy Buffett

Tired of the same ole boring summer vacation options? A week at the beach, cabin on the lake or paying dearly for the privilege of fraternizing with a giant rodent and long lines chock full of rude foreigners not sounding too appealing this year either?

Maybe you are considering retirement. Golf, shuffle board, cooking lessons, crafts, rampant STD epidemics, and 10,000 of your fellow senior citizens all crammed into a cookie-cutter planned community.

A little short on cash because of the worst economic depression in the history of the civilized world (Part of the mess inherited from W of course) and in dire need of some R & R at an exotic locale with the promise of some real fun, excitement and adventure. Well, ain't no never mind about It, (means don’t worry for all you Yankee Americans) Uncle Sammy’s Tropical Paradise Tours have got a deal for you.

To qualify for this all expenses paid (By “We the People” the rode hard and put up wet American tax payer) endless vacation amongst the palm trees, trade winds and emerald colored seas is easier than you might think. Just follow the instructions in the “I’m a Radical Jihadist Islamic Terrorist Seeking an Endless Tropical Paradise Vacation Checklist” below and you’ll be greasing up with the sunscreen, soaking up rays, grooving to Buffett, and sipping on rum flavored drinks with umbrellas in them before you know it.

“I’m a Radical Jihadist Islamic Terrorist Seeking an Endless Tropical Paradise Vacation Checklist”

1. Allow someone to sneak up behind you, stick a straw in your ear and suck half your brain out. A prerequisite for any fanatic, radical, Islamic Jihadist, terrorist.

2. Change your name to Omar the Tent Maker Mohamed; Omar the Rug Maker Mohamed; Omar the Camel Jockey Mohamed; Abdul the Date Grower Mohamed; Abdul the Goat Herder Mohamed; Abdul the Shoe Thrower Mohamed; Billy Bob Mohamed or Betty Lou Thelma Liz Mohamed. Actually, any name including Mohamed, Goat or Rug should do nicely.

3. Pull out the Amex and set off on a little shopping spree for a new wardrobe. White silk long sleeve Pajamas or a vintage 1970’s Nauru jacket would be a good start. A diaper, towel or sheet, appropriately folded and/or wrapped, is definitely mandatory head ware for the well dressed Jihadist. Slip on shoes, that can be easily pulled off and thrown at the nearest infidel, with menacing and intimidating symbols painted on the souls, are always the ideal accessory to finish off the best dressed radical terrorist ensemble.

4. Get your recently sucked out half of a brain, newly Billy Bob Mohamed named, decked out in your Islamic Jihadist terrorist best new threads self to Gitmo. Approach the front gate with the white flag a blaze and blowing in the tropical trade winds with your arms out stretched and palms open in a sign of friendship and submission.

5. Surrender unconditionally to the imperialist sons of a monkey, disciples of the Great Satan, and infidels. Humbly confess your many cowardly acts of terrorism inflicted on innocent men, woman and children, which we will downgrade to criminal offenses, so our President can maintain his popularity and celebrity status with his Arab brethren, European comrades, and radical leftwing, Bill Ayers domestic terrorist types in this country.

6. Listen submissively and attentively to your Miranda rights, recently revised and directed to be read to all captured enemy combatants by the Obama Justice Department (See below), to appease his ACLU comrades and support his new policy downgrading the War on Terror to a criminal offense.

· You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. What we don’t know can’t hurt us so by all means just keep your mouth shut.
· Anything you do say may be used against you in a court of law. Which might be a problem if there was any chance of you ever setting foot in a court of law, since you’ll be whisked away to Tahiti or Fiji long before that ever happens.
· You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the Police/Armed Services Customer Services Representative and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. However, since the only questions we plan on asking you are about your plans for relocating to another tropical paradise, your travel agent might be of much greater service. · If you cannot afford an attorney or travel agent, one will be appointed for you before any questioning.
· If you decide to answer questions now without an attorney present anything you might say, suggest or even think about will never be used against you in this life or the next.

7. Hunker down for several weeks of living hell at Gitmo, while plans are being finalized for your future permanent island paradise vacation, suffering through 3 meals a day; unlimited reading and movie time; sun, surf and tropical sunsets; group therapy and sing alongs with fellow terrorist; no goats to heard; and fluffy new prayer rugs every week compliments of the USO’s Islamic Outreach Program recently initiated by the Obama Administration

8. Thoughtfully, methodically, carefully and diligently fill out the “I’m a Radical Jihadist Islamic Terrorist Seeking an Endless Tropical Paradise Vacation Checklist Future Permanent Island Paradise Home Questionnaire”. This information is critical for assuring you are relocated to a tropical paradise compatible with your unique and specific needs. Be prepared to provide answers to questions about your preferences and priorities including:

1. Please list in order of preference region of the world your tropical paradise is located – (A) Caribbean (B) South Pacific (C) Other
2. Preferred color of sand on beach – (A) Brown (B) White (C) Black (D) Pink

(E) Other
3. (A) Mountainous or (B) Arid, desert terrain
4. (A) Boat access only or (B) Airport accommodations

9. Submit your completed Questionnaire, catch up on some sleep and wait for further instructions from the wicked, decadent infidels.

10. Pack up your Tommy Bahamas; dive gear; Bob Marley and Buffett CD’s; Mosquito netting; sun screen; and embark from the tropical paradise at Gitmo on the Island of Cuba to your new and permanent tropical paradise island home. Where you can fish the pylons, dive the reefs, or just frolic about in the sun, sea and sand for rest of your natural born life, compliments of the American taxpayer and Uncle Sammy’s Tropical Paradise Tours.

Mark Twain once remarked, “It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense” These words never rang truer when considering the actions of the Obama Administration this week as compared to the fictitious account of the treatment of enemy combatant terrorist prisoners at Gitmo as satirized above.

With the full knowledge of and authorization from our Commander-in-Chief 17 Chinese Uighur Muslim terrorist captured in Afghanistan are slated for release and relocation from Gitmo. 4 have already been relocated to the pink sand beaches and pastel colored homes of the Atlantic Island paradise of Bermuda. Known as one of the most scenic and expensive pieces of real estate on the planet the four recently released terrorist have been spotted looking fat and happy enjoying some of the many tropical pleasures that abound on their new island home.

Cost to the American tax payer has yet to be disclosed by the most “transparent” administration in the history of the Union for setting up housekeeping for these four in Bermuda but considering the neighborhood this could be an extremely expensive proposition. As for the remaining 13 Chinese Terrorist Uncle Sammy has laid out $200 million to the Island nation of Palau in the South Pacific to take in and shelter these poor wayward souls.

$200 million equates to over $15 million for each Chinese terrorist. Thoughts of Obama from Bama estimates it will take over 500 years to recover any return on this investment. Keep in mind this is the same group that is currently running GM, Wall Street and in the not too distant future the American Healthcare System. Truly makes one weep for the future of our soon to be broke socialistic country.

Uncle Sammy’s Tropical Paradise Tours is open for business, fully backed and financed by the American taxpayer, and anxious to find new homes in tropical island paradises for some of the world’s most dangerous and deranged Islamic Jihadist terrorist. Having half your brain sucked out, wearing a diaper on your head and changing your name to Billy Bob Mohamed seems like a small sacrifice to make, in the overall scheme of things, to qualify for this once in a lifetime opportunity.

I am, “American by Birth and Southern by the Grace of God”

Ron W. Garikes