Thoughts of Obama from Bama

Week Twenty-Eight: Vacation

“I found out long ago, it’s a long way down the holiday road
Holiday rooooooaaaaad, Holiday roooooaaaad.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Take a ride on the West Coast kick
Holiday rooooooaaaaad, Holiday road.”
L. Buckingham

Our 44th President and Congress are all already on their way or making final plans for a well deserved, long overdue, summer vacation. Spending trillions of dollars; Doubling the annual deficit; Borrowing trillions from China; Socializing the healthcare, financial, energy, and auto industries; Fighting 2 Overseas Contingency Operations; Playing the victim card, blaming W. and misleading “We the People” on a daily basis; and thinking about new, innovate and stealth strategies for increasing taxes tends to wear your typical dedicated public servant plumb out.

According to the official 2009 Schedule of the 111th Congress the House takes off on their “District Work Period” August 1st, the Senate August 8th, and both will reconvene back in DC on September 8th. “District Work Period”, another silly misnomer created by the same creative geniuses who gave us “Overseas Contingency Operation” for the War on Terror and “Man Made Disaster” for domestic terrorism , is just another misleading phrase the “Change Gang” made up for summer vacation in their ceaseless efforts to confuse, confound and divert our attention from their real agenda. Establishing a Socialist Nanny State – Creating a Secular Progressive Culture – Conducting the largest redistribution of wealth in world history.

Actually, summer vacation doesn’t exactly accurately describe the activities many of our elected officials will be partaking in either during the August recess. Many will travel abroad on overseas junkets to assure the Eiffel tower hasn’t fallen in Paris, confirm the Parthenon is still standing in Greece and make sure Italy hasn’t run dry on wine, all at US taxpayer expense, of course.

Other dedicated lawmakers will participate in “Fact Finding Tours” at some of the ritziest beach and mountain resorts, golf courses, and fishing spots in the world hosted by lobbyist and various special interest groups. Senator Barbara Boxer of California is the only lawmaker we know of who is completely excluded from these trips as even lobbyists find her too obnoxious to spend more than 5 minutes with.
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A tiny percentage of Congressional members actually serve the public interest and meet with constituents during the recess but Thoughts of Obama from Bama was unable to obtain a final headcount. Inside sources assure us the total number of these dedicated legislators can be counted on one hand.

We were able to confirm that a large group of legislatures also take advantage of their summer break to meet with their parole officers; defense attorneys; attend DUI School; and/or serve out their community service and jail time. Thoughts of Obama from Bama certainly appreciates the personal efforts by all of these lawmakers to provide a stimulus for the entertainment, drug, alcohol, legal and prison industries.

Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase): “I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.” Ellen Griswold (Beverly D'Angelo): “Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud.” “Vacation” 1983

In the spirit of the public’s right to know, Thoughts of Obama from Bama is pleased to reveal the “District Work Period”, summer vacation plans, for several of our political leaders who are working so diligently on our behalf in our nation’s capital:

· The First Family – Barack and fam including First Pooch Bolshevik the Waterdog, according to recent reports, will be spending 2 star studded weeks in the playground of the liberal/socialist rich and famous celebrity elite, Martha’s Vineyard. Prerequisites for their Shangri-La vacation home include a private pool; basketball court; teleprompter; designated smoking area; TV studio for national daily broadcast; and accommodations for an entourage of 2,000, all at tax payer expense, of course.

Planned activities include happy hour every afternoon with the most recent private citizen the President has falsely accused of racism, public readings from the Communist Manifesto and a dress as your favorite nekked Socialist/Fascist Dictator Masquerade Ball.

First Pooch Bolshevik the Waterdog is scheduled for Frisbee lessons. The ultimate Socialist sport founded on the maxim “Hey man, nobody wins and nobody loses”.

Ellen Griswold: “Oh are you happy now Clark? She's deaf.”
Clark Griswold: “Oh what the hell - it was fun anyway.”

· Vice President “Uncle Joe” Biden – Uncle Joe will be spending his vacation recuperating from major surgery. Inflicted with a chronic case of the Foot-in- Mouth Disease, surgeons will attempt to remove a foot that has been inserted so frequently in the Veep’s mouth the prognosis for a successful operation is less than 10%. To enhance Uncle Joe’s recovery the President has left standing orders restricting him from coming within 1,000 yards of a member of the press, TV cameras or a live microphone.

· White House Chief of Staff, Rahm “The Enforcer” Emanuel – Plans call for attendance at an Organized Crime, Mafia, Cosonotra, film festival sponsored by the Italian Government in Palermo, Sicily. The focus of this year’s program is “Advanced Tactics for Intimidating colleagues, staff, political friends and foes. Sessions include “Pros and Cons of the Horse Head in Bed Strategy”; “What’s More Effective? Chopping off or Breaking Fingers”; and “The Best Time to Go to the Mattresses”.

Thoughts of Obama from Bama would never advance unfounded conspiracy theories. However, 3 recent seemingly random unrelated “accidents” suggests a far more sinister scenario. In fact, many claim these acts of intimidation are classic strong arm tactics of the “Enforcer”.

Hillary’s broken arm helps maintain her global victim status and serves as a reminder not to stray too far off the reservation regarding the President’s foreign policy positions. Judge Sotomayor broken leg helps establish her victim status, a possible sympathy vote and a stern warning to keep her judicial activist views to herself during the confirmation hearings. Congressperson Mikulski’s broken ankle, “accident”, was probably just a shot across the bow warning her and other members of the Democratic caucas what might happen to them if they jump ship on the Presidents humongous government and Socialist agenda.

· Secretary of State, Hillary “World Renown Ducker From Sniper Fire” Clinton – Will spend a majority of her vacation in serious negotiations with publishers and for the movie rights for her next book, "Sisterhood of the Butt Ugly Traveling Pants Suit."

· Attorney General Eric “Terrorist Sympathizer and Pardoner of Tax Cheats” Holder – After several visits the AG has fallen in love with the tropical paradise at Gitmo. The AG is said to be looking forward to long walks on the beach with enemy combatant prisoners, watching romantic tropical sunsets from the guard towers surrounding the prison and attending evening bonfires where American flags and W are burned in effigy every night. The AG will also be hopping over to Havana every day for private tutoring from Mr. Socialist Revolutionary hiself, Fidel castro, to discuss strategies for setting up a secret police force back here in the states.

Marty Moose: “Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!”

· Secretary of Treasury, Timothy “Turbo Tax Cheat” Geithner – Will be attending The First Annual Obama Administration Camp for Tax Cheats (FAOACTC). Fellow senior Administration officials joining Little Timmy Tax Cheater include tax cheat Tom Daschle; tax cheat and Chief White House Performance Officer, Nancy Killefer; HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius on behalf of her tax cheat husband; and Congressional tax cheats New York congressman Charlie Rangle and Senator Chris Dodd from Connecticut. Marc Rich, on the FBI’s Most Wanted List and considered the biggest tax cheat in the history of the Union, will be the Course Instructor. Mr. Rich received a pardon from Slick Willie with the blessing of then assistant AG, Eric Holder.

· Madame Speaker of the House, Nancy “Tell me no Lies” Pelosi – Sources confirm the Speaker has yet to finalize plans for the August recess. Those same sources report invitations have been pouring in including one from the CIA to observe secret covert gorilla operations on a undisclosed island in the south pacific which just so happens to be infested with 15 foot long Kimono Dragons who’s favorite food source is wild eyed, left wing, west coast, bleeding heart socialist/liberal head cases. The Speaker also has an open invitation to go quail hunting with VP Dick Cheney. Thoughts of Obama from Bama certainly encourages Ms. Pelosi to take full advantage of these once in a lifetime travel experiences.

· Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid - After joining the President with a chorus of criticism for evil corporate America wasting millions at high brow resorts it finally dawned on our Mormon Senior Senator from Nevada he was cutting his own political throat. Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons claims canceled convention business in large part brought on by the President’s and Reid’s comments have cost the state over $200 million in lost business. In an effort to save his political hide the good Senator is vacationing in Vegas this year with a cast of 500+ staffers and support folks. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and our hard earned tax dollars are all staying to help Senator Reid’s reelection efforts.

· Barney “ Freddie in the Fannie Mack” Frank – The pride of Massachusetts, the Honorable Barney Frank, is embarking on his annual pilgrimage to South Beach, Key West, and San Francisco in search of Mr. Good Bar.

Car Salesman: “Now, I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswold, that if you are thinking of taking the tribe cross country, this is your automobile. The Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it”.

Under normal circumstances Thoughts of Obama from Bama would express outrage at the great waste of time, tax payer money and flagrant abuse of power associated with the so called “District Work Period” or in reality summer vacation or August recess our elected officials are currently enjoying. That being said, keeping this crowd out of town and not conducting official business "on our behalf" may be the best investment we can make to preserve the Union until the 2010 midterm elections.

Clark Griswold: “I think you're all @#*# in the head. We're ten hours from the *$@#ing fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much #@*#ing fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our damn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're #@@#**#@! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy #@*#!”

I am, “American by Birth and Southern by the Grace of God”
Ron W. Garikes