Thoughts of Obama From Bama

Week 66: Conspiracy Theories

Americans just absolutely love a good old fashion "Conspiracy Theory". Reckon we have a natural skepticism and healthy mistrust of government and other large institutions that makes us question authority and the "official story" the powers that be want us to believe.

Our Conspiracy Theories come in all shapes and sizes with some truly so far fetched only an officiando the likes of Oliver Stone could believe it to the more mundane variety that tend to easily attain widespread public acceptance.

A few examples of the most popular and well known Conspiracy Theories include the following:

• NASA and the US Government staged the Apollo program including all of the Lunar landings and mission to the moon
• US Government and Military cover up of Alien visitors, not the criminal illegal variety currently pouring over the Arizona/Mexico border, known as Area 54 in Roswell, New Mexico.
• Vast Right Wing Conspiracy - Bill and Hillary Clinton's neurotic fear that conservatives were secretly spreading falsehoods about their nefarious outlaw behavior, which mostly turned out to be not only true but a lot worse than any of us ever would have imagined.
• HIV was developed by the CIA for biological warfare purposes
• Castro, the Mafia, and/or the CIA were responsible for the JFK assassination
• Elvis staged his own death and still walks amongst us sporting those blue suede shoes today

Two Current Conspiracy Theories frequently discussed on mostly left wing cable news and the blogosphere from the extreme fringes of the political spectrum are 9/11 boneheads and the so called birthers.

9/11r's, including the likes of political charlatans and scoundrels Reverend Wright; Obama political soul mate Bill Ayers; the pinheaded anchors on CNBC; Rosie Cream Filled Chocolate Covered O'Donnell; Michael Jelly Doughnut Moore; half of the Obama Cabinet; almost all of his "Secret Shadow Government" of Socialist Czars; and blame America first nut jobs like Representative Maxine Waters are promoting the notion that W was behind the terrorist attacks that killed 3,000 innocent civilians back in September of 2001.

The fact there doesn't seem to be a shred of evidence to support this absolutely ridiculous accusation and that one would have to be crazier than a run over dog to even consider it doesn't deter these folks at all. Liberals, bless their hearts, never let facts, truth, logic, reason or integrity come between them and a potentially damaging scandal about a political opponent.

Their crazy ass story claims W and his storm troopers committed this act of international terrorism against the very country they took an oath to uphold and protect to give them a good excuse to attack Iraq and kill Saddam Husein. Mercy, a mind truly is a terrible thing to waste.

Birthers, as labeled by the left wing media elite press, claim President Obama isn't an American citizen because he wasn't born on US soil rendering him ineligible for the office of the Presidency. Our Criminal Illegal Alien-in-Chief has produced a Certificate of Birth from the State of Hawaii. The fact it's not a "Birth" Certificate seems the major bone of contention.

There also seems to be some evidence young Barack received financial aid reserved for foreign students while attending Columbia. What seems like some credible evidence aside it's hard to imagine with the intense scrutiny all Presidential candidates experience that a non American could actually get elected, even if he does seem to advocate an agenda foreign to most Americans.

Thoughts of Obama From Bama has a couple of Conspiracy Theories of our own after some serious observation of the Hope, Change and Believe gang that admittedly might sound a tad insane at first but when you consider what these folks have accomplished in office so far, you never know.

Consider the following:

• USA MOTORS - Is it a huge coincidence or is there something more sinister a foot when a few months after the Obama Administration commandeered control of the US auto industry the number one car company in the world, Toyota, goes to hell in a handbag. After a forty year record of making some of the world's most dependable and high performance vehicles why are Toyotas from coast to coast falling apart faster than Speaker Pelosi's face on a hot summers day.


• To date we haven't been able to confirm this but it has been reported by sources close to Military Special Ops that Vice President Uncle Joe Biden,White House Chief of Staff Rahm the Enforcer Emanuel, and Bolshevik the First Dog have been spotted on multiple occasions infiltrating Toyota Dealerships across the country repelling from black almost completely silent choppers armed with cans of super glue with the intent of pasting gas peddles to the floor in the spirit of Elwood "We're on a mission from God" Blues


• Rumor has it VEEP Biden also has a bronzed Toyota gas peddle assembly hanging behind his desk. A caption beneath reads "Toyota - At One Time the World's Best F...ing Automobile"


• DRILL BABY DRILL - Our second "Conspiracy Theory" finds the whole notion of the President announcing a partial lift on his ban on offshore drilling and a few weeks later a rig blows up in the Gulf of Mexico way too close for comfort. Threatened with the worst man made ecological disaster in forty years our Mr the Ends Always Justifies the Means-in-Chief now has a political free hand to impose his radical Socialist Green agenda upon us while our attention is diverted by this disaster.


• We also have it on good authority that Al Mr Inconvenient Lie Gore along with Chris Mathews, Tim Robbins and Barbara Boxer were spotted several times cruising along in a Green Peace Zodiac immediately following the explosion in the general vicinity of the rig. We are certainly not suggesting that any of these Extreme Green activist were involved in the explosion as that would make us as totally nuts as the whack jobs that claim W is behind 9/11.

There is no doubt you'd have to be crazier than an outhouse rat to buy into either one of of our "Conspiracy Theories". They are both unsubstantiated; without merit; ludicrous; unfair; and absolutely absurd. On the other hand, so is Barack Obama.

Had lunch at the Waffle House with Elvis last week. The King sends his regards.

I am, " American by birth and Southern by the grace of God"

Ron W Garikes