Thoughts of Obama From Bama

Week 102: “Tee it Up”

Well I'm on the eighteenth in seven, my knees began to shake
I'm praying I can one putt, try to save an eight
It's a forty dollar nassau, if I sink this I'm a lock
I'll be sitting in the club house, sippin' bourbon on the rocks

Oh Lord....what am I gonna do, Help me keep my head down
Save me from these double bogey blues
Oh oh oh Lord....I can't afford to lose, I'll be in church next Sunday
Just save me from those Double Bogey Blues
Double Bogey Blues, Mickey Jones

Our “Golf Enthusiast“-in-Chief packed up the little woman and youngins and a thousand or so other folks and flew Air Force One out to Hawaii for twelve days of family fun in paradise. Allegedly the hallowed site of our inspirational and visionary charismatic leader’s birth although any kin folk or family friends seem about as scarce as hen’s teeth.

Certainly entitled to some well deserved R and R after a whirlwind Lame Duck session of Congress where the President and his Democrat comrades approved bills allowing gays to openly serve in the military which has absolutely nothing to do with enhancing combat readiness and is really just another example of PC insanity; giving away the farm on missile defense by approving a lopsided treaty with the Ruskies; further exploding the deficit by billions by extending unemployment benefits by a ludicrous and unprecedented twenty four months; and trying but failing to pass another bloated Socialist budget chock full of billions in earmarks the first family got in some serious vacation time in the sun, surf and sand.

President Obama also made time to get in five plus rounds of golf bringing the grand total for his second year in office to an estimated 60-65 outing. If these estimates are accurate that places “Lefty Links Obama, a nick name reflecting his radical extreme political pedigree and the fact he’s a southpaw, in a solid second only trailing Ike for rounds played by Presidents their first two years in office who got in far north of 200 during his first 104 weeks of holding court in the Oval Office.

For the record Thoughts of Obama From Bama strongly supports and advocates frequent, recreational, social, business related, and or political Presidential golf. Few venues offer a better opportunity to build relationships, evaluate the true character of allies and adversaries, and win a few greenbacks from playing partners.

Our problem and concerns with President Obama’s golfing escapades is the cloud of secrecy that seems to block out every aspect of his frequent days on the links. Playing partners, scores, wagers, teams, individual handicaps, and how many packs of Luckys he chain smokes are all treated like highly classified State secrets.

This secret evasive approach to his golf game is inconsistent, contrary and troubling in comparison to his Presidential predecessors. Maybe a brief review of the history Presidential golf will provide some badly needed illumination on the subject:

• William McKinley, the 25th Commander-in-Chief, expressed an interest in this new game that some Scot had brought to America, but his advisers convinced him that the public wouldn't like to see their leader wasting his time on something called a golf course when there was an Industrial Revolution going on. McKinley, as we know, got assassinated anyhow.
• Taft was the first president of the United States who enthusiastically played the game and wasn't ashamed to admit it.
• Dwight D. Eisenhower gets credit for doing more for golf than any other White House resident, a mid- to high-handicapper. On Eisenhower's frequent afternoon golf forays to Burning Tree, when he wasn't practicing on the South Lawn of the White House, playing guests included generals, representatives, senators, businessmen, visiting dignitaries and, occasionally, Vice President Richard Nixon. Ike's daily itineraries also include tantalizing references like "hosted off-the-record stag party," but with no details.
• Both Bush 41 and 43 were low double digit handicaps. Their most notable contribution to Presidential play was a commitment to end slow play. A two to three hour round was typical for the Bush boys
• Hearing the president of the United States shouting, "Oh, don't leak! Please don't leak!" as his golf ball flies into the rough sounds like any other weekend hacker. Most of us would have a hard time getting used to having Bill Clinton as a playing partner, especially when he is mercilessly trash talking one of our opponents, who could be anyone from another head of state, famous pro golfer or Hooters Girl.
• JFK had a smooth swing and could effortlessly shoot in the high 70’s; Nixon once shot a 79; Ford was actually a single digit handicap but was a threat to pick off spectators in the gallery; Reagan didn’t play very often which was reflected in his high scores; LBJ’s game improved with every bourbon and branch.

These gentlemen were all tickled pink, like most red blooded American male golfers, to provide hole by hole commentary with details including wind speed, club selection and the direction of the grain for each shot. Playing partners, the nature, amount, and outcome of any wager, and the groups longest drive, sunk putt and greens in regulation were also divulged to any interested parties.

In stark contrast Mr. Obama’s paranoid secretive silence is another of many character flaws this President displays that are seemingly more abundant than white on rice. Following are several examples of disconcerting experiences one might encounter spending a day on the links with our first golfer:

• President Obama averages more than one round a week and refuses to record his scores to establish an official USGA handicap. Published reports estimate Mr. Obama’s handicap ranges between a 16 and 25. The absence of an official handicap makes it much easier for the President to take unfair advantage of an opponent. This and the confidentiality of Presidential scores is not only odd it’s also just ain’t fittin.
• President Obama seems to have a tendency to only play with subordinates. Combining business with pleasure to solidify a relationship or build one with an adversary apparently holds no interest for him. Sounds like a man with serious control, insecurity and inferiority complex issues.
• Smoke um if you got um. Mr. “I haven’t had a smoke in nine months“is rumored to go through a pack a round.
• Isn’t it interesting that the progressive, equal rights, break the glass ceiling guy has never been seen once with either daughter on a golf course? Reckon that might put a damper on the chain smoking and sandbagging/cheating opponents.
• A pair of cargo shorts, faded polo, and White Sox baseball cap ain’t exactly the fashion statement we expect from the leader of the free world. He looks like some yahoo playing a Muni in Chili Dip, Michigan.

We did catch wind the President had scheduled an actual business related match while vacationing in Hawaii with Governor Neil Abercrombie. When he returned back to the compound after their round the First Lady asked if the Governor had enjoyed their game.

When the President informed her he had canceled their game she was understandably curious as to why. Before providing an explanation he asked her the following questions:

• Would you like to play golf with someone who constantly talks and swears during other player’s backswings?
• How about someone who’s best shot is a “foot wedge” to advance his ball from behind trees, rocks and all manner of obstructions when no one else is looking?
• A person who’s best scoring club is the eraser on his pencil?
• Someone who has a hole in the side pocket of his britches so he can stealthily drop a ball into play rolling it down his pants leg after losing his in the forest, again, again and again?
• A cheap SOB who never has enough cash to cover his betting losses?

“Of course not”, the First Lady responded. “Neither does the Governor”, replied the President.

I am, “American by Birth and Southern by the Grace of God”

Ron W. Garikes